i remember around the time that i started questioning whether i fit in with the libfem community on tumblr a popular blogger i followed made a post about how during sex her boyfriend choked her too hard/the “wrong” way and she couldn’t breathe and she was worried she might pass out, and no one even batted an eyelash. instead of being concerned that she was being abused by her boyfriend, her followers sent her messages about the “right” method to use while choking during sex. that was a huge wake up call for me.
Wow, this might be impossible for you to comprehend, but women can consent to sex. Did you know that? So if she wants that man to choke her—even choke her until she passes out—that’s her choice and her goddamn body.
If she did not consent to that man choking her during sex, theeeen it’s assault.
Consent. Woman are capable of it.
do you really think that you are doing anything other than reaffirming my original experience/point? i’m sorry that comments like this threaten a culture that sexualizes violence against women to the point that it is aggressively defended against any sort of criticism. i definitely see a problem with a woman being seriously injured by a man during sex to the point that she passes out or worse. consent is clearly a grey area in a society that raises women to be aroused by their own abuse. so yes, the fact that the first reaction people have to a teenage girl posting that the man she’s involved with was choking her so vigorously that she was worried about passing out is to message her tips for him to safely abuse her rather than offering concern for her wellbeing, is an issue.
People on this website (and in sex pozzie feminism as a whole) need to stop talking about consent as if it is the last word in sexual ethics. Consent is an essential facet of an ethical act, but not all acts which are consensual are ethical. Consensual murder and consensual cannibalism are not ethical or moral acts, but when it comes to what gets people off we deaden all thought by screaming “consent! consent!” over and over again as if it erases the ethical harm of harming someone else in the name of orgasm.
Women are capable of consent. Men are also capable of realizing that just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s a good thing to do, and “she wants me to” does not erase the context of committing violence against another person, nor does it even approach considering the overarching cultural context which might influence consent by treating violence, male aggression, and sexuality as inextricably intertwined forces.
THIS is why I hate the sex positive movement. The amount of bending over backwards to defend sexual brutality against women is astounding. Who cares that a woman was nearly choked out by her intimate partner in a culture where she’s been conditioned to glamorize that kind of behavior in the first place? Who cares if women are groomed to be submissive from childhood and taught to accept their pain as a natural part of sexuality? The most important thing is to maintain the illusion of consent!!! because otherwise we might have to admit that a man abusing a woman for sexual gratification is disgusting misogyny and that could lead to the sex poz movement’s worst nightmare: killing a dude’s precious boner.
Sex pozzies always, always focus on the (actual or perceived) consent of the individual woman because if they focused on ANYTHING else about the situation (social conditioning, sadistic and coercive men, dangers involved) their “but consent!!!” rhetoric falls apart. And they know it. Consent is the beginning, not the end, of the conversation because patriarchy teaches, encourages, and coerces women to consent to things they don’t want all the time.
CHOKING PEOPLE IS LIFE-THREATENING. DO YOU STUPID SEX POS IDIOTS UNDERSTAND THIS? CHOKING PEOPLE IS LIFE-THREATENING. MEN HAVE CHOKED WOMEN TO DEATH DURING BDSM/KINK/BONDAGE “GAMES.” SUPPORTING THE ENDANGERMENT OF WOMEN’S LIVES FOR MEN’S BONERS IS MISOGYNISTIC, MALE-APPEASING BULLSHIT AND ABSOLUTELY ANTI-FEMINIST.
You want to know what kind of men enjoy choking women? You want to know what goes on in their minds, what they get out of it? Here, have the perspective of a violent, sociopathic, woman-hating bag of dicks:
“Choking works because it’s a show of dominance. Women only want to have consensual sex with men they know could rape them.
[detailed instructions on how to choke women “correctly,” click link for the entire horrifying post]
"I like choking a woman right up until her eyes almost go lifeless. Women also love this. Once the life returns to her, it’s as if she came back from the other side.
I’ve also choked women unconscious. It’s no cause for alarm. She’ll be fine once you release the pressure from her carotid arteries, thus allowing blood flow to return to her brain.
You should also choke your girl when standing around. Consider it “choke PDA.” When she acts up, apply pressure to her carotid arteries by squeezing your biceps. – like a one-half rear naked choke.
Once you start choking women, you’ll be addicted. Women love it, too.
Choking is also a useful indicator of your alphaness.
If women do not regularly let you choke them, your game is weak. You are giving off a weak, vagina-drying vibe.”
This piece of male garbage assumes that all or most women enjoy having men throttle them into unconsciousness and that choking a woman IN PUBLIC who “acts up” (what does that mean—that she does something he doesn’t like?!) is fun and cool and acceptable.
It says a lot about whom the sex positive movement really benefits when self-professed feminists are cheering on violent, sadistic misogynists.
Even those in BDSM/kink communities discourage the practice of “breath play” due to the fact that there is no safe way to choke someone. Consider:
“1. Anytime there is pressure put on the neck, such as with choking you run the risk of causing severe and perhaps permanent damage to the carotid arteries. This may lead to numbness, weakness, dizziness and difficulties speaking.
2. The larynx is incredibly fragile and easily injured; pressure to the larynx should be avoided at all costs. Any injury, even a minor injury to the larynx, may cause swelling of the airways leading to coughing, choking and inability to speak, and possibly the inability to breath.
3. While choking someone the airway may become obstructed by the tongue. Swelling of the tongue and lips is quite normal when someone is being choked. Unfortunately it is impossible to tell just how much swelling is going to occur, since each individual is different, it is also impossible to tell when the swelling will reach that dangerous level.
4. Also the reduction of blood flow to the brain tissues during choking may cause ischemia. Since blood contains both oxygen and glucose, when ischemia occurs, it can lead to hypoxia which is a reduction of oxygen to the brain, as well as hypoglycemia which is low blood glucose level. Prolonged hypoxia – ischemia is associated with Ischemic Attack (stoke), Transient, Brain Infarction, Brain Edema, Coma and other conditions.
5. Another associated physical problem is cerebral anoxia. Hypoxia is the reduced oxygen flow to the brain; anoxia is the total absence of oxygen within the brain tissue. If oxygen is prevented from reaching the tissues for too long, tissue death can occur. If severe, it can cause irreversible brain damage. Less severe cases can cause sensory distortions and hallucinations. Hence pressure on the carotid arteries can lead to ischemia, which is directly associated with hypoxia and if the restriction of oxygen to the brain continues for more than three to five minutes then cerebral anoxia is a very real possibility. If the circulation to the brain is insufficient for more than three to five minutes the consequent damage can lead to death even days or weeks after the initial incident.
6. The lack of blood flow to the brain may also force the heart to beat more rapidly or beat erratically in an effort to increase the level of blood to the brain; hence, heart arrhythmia.
7. Oxygen deprivation of the heart or anoxaemia will trigger what is called premature ventricular contractions or PVC’s for short. Basically the lower the heart gets on oxygen the more PVC’s it generated and the more vulnerable to their effect the heart will become, thus this will increase the possibility of ventricular fibrillation and the risk of its causing a cardiac arrest. There is no way to know when this will happen to a particular person, during a particular session, not even with the most advanced cardiac monitors available.”
You don’t know when the person you’re suffocating is going to pass out, you don’t know how much pressure will severely harm or kill her, you don’t know if some medical issue she may have will make the act even more dangerous, you might not even know if she wants you to stop if you’ve also restricted her ability to revoke consent nonverbally, you just don’t know.
Is it too much to ask that people stop romanticising and encouraging violence against women and the sexualisation of acts upon women that can cause serious injury and death?
Lol what am I thinking, of course it is. Sex pozzies hate women.
Wow if there has ever been something that needs to be on my blog this is it.